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whole colossal alien base, but they looked as if they'd
just stepped out of a kid's cartoon.
A cartoon I had somehow missed when I was
growing up. Arlene was younger than I was, but she'd
seen a lot more popular entertainment. She asked me
why I was so culturally deprived. I knew how to shut
her up: "I was busy preparing mentally, physically,
and spiritually for my role as cosmic savior. I had no
time to waste time on frivolous media entertain-
ment." That showed her.
I couldn't wait to find Albert and tell him the good
news. As soon as Captain Hidalgo was on his feet
again, he'd have to be briefed. Our mission was a
success, after all. We'd found aliens who didn't want
the Freds to occupy our solar system. It might not
mean any more to them than a village or town in one
of Earth's major wars, but we at least counted at that
level. We rated Third World treatment by superior
beings.
The little voice in the back of my head suggested
that Director Williams would be more amused by this
discovery than either Admiral Kimmel or Colonel
Hooker would be. Hell, I'd like to see the faces of the
human sellouts if they heard where they rated in the
cosmic scheme of things.
Then that old mind reader Arlene asked S&R the
googolplex-dollar question: "So what are you guys
fighting about?"
An hour later, by Earth standard time, we still
hadn't grasped what S&R were trying to get across.
Their odd syntax wasn't the problem. We weren't
picking up on the concepts.
We finally received assistance from an unexpected
quarter: Albert joined us; he came swimming through
the air. Not really, of course. It only looked that way.
The base had gravity zones and free-fall areas. What-
ever the Freds could do on Phobos, the message aliens
could do better! Albert was simply taking the escala-
tor. He had drifted up near the ceiling of our section.
Then he slowly drifted down on a transition-to-
gravity escalator! That's what it was. He moved his
arms and legs as if he were doing the breast stroke,
grinning at us the whole time.
I hoped he was over his sulk or pout or whatever it
was. I didn't buy the meditation bit. He seemed eager
to rejoin his buds. And he'd picked a good moment to
meet Sears and Roebuck.
The moment Albert touched down, he took out a
little purple ball and squeezed it. A duplicate of
Albert appeared. I'd seen those toys before. We
thought we had virtual reality on the old mud ball.
The doppelganger matched Albert's movements per-
fectly.
"What's this about?" I asked.
"Trust me," he said. "I'll tell you later." For the rest
of the time he was with us, his three-dimensional
image aped his movements a few feet away.
Arlene shrugged. So what if Albert was playing
games to deal with his boredom? She made the
introductions: "Sears and Roebuck, I'd like you to
meet another member of our team."
The Magilla Gorilla faces grinned more widely than
I thought possible. Looked as if their heads were in
danger of splitting open. "We encountered these unit
in times going before," they said.
Well, I'd be dipped in a substance they recycled
very effectively here at the alien base. I may have
judged Albert's meditations too harshly. He waved at
S&R, and both of them waved back.
"We're discoursing the wordage but not reaching
home plate," said S&R.
Albert helped himself to a glass of water from our
table. "You must have asked them for background,"
he said.
Arlene playfully pulled at Albert's sleeve. He
seemed very comfortable in the shimmering robes
he'd selected. The designs looked slightly oriental to
me. "Have you talked to them before?"
"Yes."
"Do you understand what the war is about?" she
asked.
Albert sat in one of the chairs we'd vacated. "Near
as I can make out, they're having a religious war."
S&R had mentioned diplomacy. It would have been
nice if that word had registered on Arlene. She
snorted when Albert said the r-word. "I'd expect that
from you," she said with disdain.
"Arlene!" I jumped in.
"It's all right, Fly," Albert jumped right back. "I
can understand why Arlene would react that way."
"Excuse me," she interjected, but despite the words
she didn't sound polite. "Please don't talk about me
in the third person when I'm right here."
Albert wasn't in a mood to back off. "We've been
doing that with Sears and Roebuck, and they're right
here."
The man had a point. S&R politely waited for one
of us to address them directly. Otherwise, they didn't
budge and didn't make a peep.
Albert regarded Arlene with a strong, steady gaze
I'd never noticed from him before. I definitely needed
to rethink my views on meditation.
"Arlene," he began softly, "it might not be possible
for us to understand why these advanced beings are in
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