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She knew now she could enjoy bodily pleasures and if Kevin could ever become the kind of lover he
was in her dreams then a whole new world was open to them. She took another deep sip from the
smooth martini contemplating excitedly the full complete life they could have sharing each other.
"You look preoccupied, Jean," Monique said, smiling at her across the table. "I hope my company isn't
boring you."
"Oh, no, no, Monique," Jean said apologetically, "I love being here with you. In fact, you may not know
it but this trip with you has changed my whole thinking about life."
"That's quite a statement, my dear," the older woman replied, an amused tone in her voice, "I think
you're being a little dramatic about it." "No, no, I'm not. I mean it. I truly do," Jean defended. She didn't
want to hurt Monique's feelings. She had done so much for her just being around to help. The small
things she had done, like getting her to a hotel and being there to talk to on the train, had taken her mind
off her problem long enough for her to relax and look at it again with less prejudice than before. And, of
course, leaving her alone this afternoon had been the turning point. If she hadn't been in such a relaxed
mood, she probably would never have had the dream and consequently never realized just how much
she did need her husband. "Then you must tell me about this great change that I've brought about
without even knowing it," Monique said lightly but with understanding. "My impression is that you've
everything already that life could offer someone so young and pretty."
Jean was grateful for the sincerity in the older woman's voice and felt that she did owe her an
explanation. Besides, she was bursting to talk with someone about it and there just couldn't be a more
understanding person in the world than Monique. She felt so close and so dependent on her at this
moment.
Jean hurriedly gulped the rest of her drink, wondering how she could explain without going too far. After
all, she didn't want even Monique knowing everything. It was too embarrassing and made her feel like
such a child.
"May I have another martini," she asked. "I think I'll need it to be able to even tell this silly story to you."
"Of course you may, I'll join you." Monique signaled the waiter who returned within moments with their
refills. Jean took a large sip, feeling the smooth liquid hit bottom and bolstering her courage. They were
beginning to have their effect. She could feel the light-headed sensation calming her inhibitions even
before she had finished the last one, otherwise she would not have had the courage to even mention her
problem. This last sip had dampened them completely and she was feeling as though she could at least
tell Monique a few things about the ridiculous mess she had gotten herself into.
"Dear, you seem hesitant," Monique said, reaching across the table and touching her hand warmly. "If it's
something you had rather not talk about then don't. I just thought I might be able to help." "Oh, no, it's
not that important," Jean said blushing slightly, not knowing quite how to begin. "It's just about a dream I
had this afternoon while you were gone."
"Well then tell me, Jean, you know it sometimes helps to talk to someone else about your problems. I
think we know each other well enough by now to share our burdens."
Jean began from the beginning, telling Monique about her courting days with Kevin and how she had
sometimes hoped he would force her into submitting to him but would never encourage it. About her
father and his instilling the ideas of purity until marriage into her young mind and the guilt complex it had
left her with about sex even now that she was married. The horrible rape she had been forced to submit
to in Paris by Kevin, though she made excuses for him to Monique, blaming herself for her puritan
attitude toward intercourse. Finally, toward the end of the dinner, she had come to the dream. "It was
beautiful, Monique. If making love were always like that, I know I would never feel guilty again. It just
seems as though everything he did to me was right and I felt so wonderful and so free to return his love. I
gave him everything I had and I still wanted to give more."
There was a long pause, until Jean finally said with a shrug of her shoulders, "Well, that's all, you've
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